Crayon

I thought bath crayons were going to be a good idea. My eldest has had them before and loved them so much she'd worn them out. So a new pack were duly bought this morning and escorted home under the watchful eye of my girls.

This afternoon arrived, and with it came bath time. By the end of it I was under no illusion about two things: Number one, my eldest sure does know her colours and number two, bath crayons were not a good idea.


"Mum?"

"Yes?"

"Yellow."

(showing me her yellow crayon)

"Yes, yellow."

(Angrily) "YELLOW!!!!!!"

"Yes, I know, it's yellow!"

(Showing me the crayon in a slightly more violent manner)

"YELLLLLLLLLLOWWWWWWWW!"

On closer inspection, the end was slightly blunt from where she had been drawing.

"I'm afraid that's what happens to crayons."

"YEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

By this point my ears were throbbing so I took the crayon and sculpted the end into a slightly more pointed shape with my fingernail. It didn't seem much different to me but seemed to appease her. She turned away and scribbled on the bath for a while longer, until suddenly,

"Black."

I took a deep breath before I looked. There in her hand was a slightly blunt black crayon.

"I'm not sharpening them all!" I warned her.

"BLACK!"

"Sweetheart, it's a crayon! You remember what happened to your old ones. They go blunt after a while!"

"BLLLLAAAAAAAACCCCCKK!"

I tried the distraction technique. I took away the black crayon and handed her a red one.

"Oooh, look at the lovely red crayon!" I said as sincerely as possible.

She glanced between me and the crayon, sure I was up to something but prepared to give me the benefit of the doubt. She turned away and went back to her drawing while I tried to tidy up some of the surfaces in the bathroom. When I heard an angry voice cry, "BLUE!"

I was expecting another blunt crayon emergency but when I looked around I found that a substantial amount of her body had turned into a big blue scribble and her little sister was gripping the offending crayon and sketching up a masterpiece.

So now I have a smurf for a daughter and the crayons have been confiscated until such times as I'm feeling more energetic to deal with the aftermath.