Thursday 4 November 2010

Edgar



It's funny how everyone has those runs of dates in their lives. You know, where 95% of your friends and family squeeze their birthdays and anniversaries into about a month and a half. The same goes for bad dates, too. October and November are not a happy time for me. It didn't used to be this way; late October always used to be a really happy and lucky time for me - awesome days out, meeting my TV heroes, even proposing to my husband.

Now this time of year is full of unhappy anniversaries. I had my second miscarriage in November 2004, another in November 2005, my due date from my 4th miscarriage was November 2006 and this coming Sunday is Daisy's loss anniversary. I haven't even started working out how I'm going to handle that yet.

But there are two other November losses that my family are grieving. I am a fur mummy. I always have been. I think there is a difference between owning pets and being a fur mummy - I will always be the latter. I do get highly attached to the animals who have shared my life, that's something I can't help, and although that means that when the time comes to say goodbye it hits me very hard it's always worth it for the time we spent together.

On Tuesday this week we lost Edgar, our little boy guinea pig. I haven't stopped crying. Anyone who thinks, "Geez, it's only a guinea pig, get over it" - I really don't want to hear it. Pets should never be 'only a' - anything. They should be a part of the family. Otherwise why invite them into your life?

Edgar was our rescue piggy. He had originally been for sale in a pet shop but had been separated because he... how can I put this delicately? He liked to try to have intimate relations with other male guinea pigs. Well, we are certainly an equal opportunities household; I've spoken openly before about my sexuality and I'm never going to reject an animal because of his sexual preference!

He was about 6 months old when Angelica and I first saw him in the adoption centre. At the time, he had a sign on his cage saying he'd been reserved for adoption already but when we went back a few weeks later his new 'owners' had changed their minds because he was still there. I felt so sad for him; his second chance had been taken away from him. Angelica was quite taken with him, peering through his bars and trying to get his attention.

I was heavily pregnant with Natasha by now and it was a while before we went back again, but just after she was born we went back and I found he was still there. My heart sank. He was such a beautiful creature and all the other animals were adopted within a couple of weeks, but no one seemed to want what was now almost a fully grown guinea pig.

One early september day I came home from the adoption centre and whined to my husband, "The poor thing is still there! No one wants him! he's been in there for months and he's never going to get adopted!"

My husband just looked at me and said,

"You want to bring him home, don't you?"

From that moment, everything happened really fast. Suddenly my husband had bought a new cage, I was busy filling it with sawdust and hay and the next thing I knew I was in the adoption centre at some ungodly hour at night, signing the adoption papers and bringing this beautiful little guy home.

Initially the plan was to have him neutered and introduce him to our girl piggies, but Edgar was clearly a solo guinea pig. He'd been on his own for the best part of a year and was happiest being on his own. He got plenty of attention and lap time so he was more than happy to have his own space and stay where he was. He had the most amazingly shiny, silky coat, a kind of sheen I have rarely seen on an animal. We thought he would take a long time to settle in - if ever - because he had spent so long in the centre but almost immediately he came out of his shell and turned into a proud, curious and gentle animal.

The girls adored him, and he adored the girls. He would turn his nose up when my husband or I were trying to get his attention but as soon as one of the girls went over to him he'd be out of his house like a shot, playing up to them and getting strokes and attention. He shared a lot of mannerisms with Sam, the first guinea pig we had. Sam was a baby substitute when I was still being told I couldn't have children, then when Angelica came along we loved him even more because we watched the bond develop between them.

Sam died in November in 2007. Another November day to mourn. He got sick on the day my husband and I celebrate as the anniversary of our engagement and went rapidly downhill. This year, on our anniversary, Edgar got sick with exactly the same thing. I knew instinctively that there would be no happy ending.

I took him to the vet the following day and I was told he needed an operation the next day; the same op that Sam had been given. Exactly the same as his precious predecessor, Edgar survived the operation but failed to start eating. I spent several days syringe feeding him but he grew less interested each time and eventually started to fight it. We tried to get him more interested in his vegetables but although twice he tried to chew he could no longer eat. By tuesday morning his fur had lost its sheen; it was matte and grey instead of black. He laid in his house, doing nothing and not even coming out to see us. It was not the same Edgar that we had spent just over two years sharing our home with. We knew that we had to let him go.

There is a part of me that is constantly beating myself up about the decision. I keep asking myself if I could or should have tried harder, kept on with the syringe feeding, given him more time. But there's a part of me that also keeps worrying that I let him suffer too long and should have let him go sooner. I do not know whether I made the right decision at the right time and I will probably always worry about this, I just knew that I could not see him suffering any longer, and in my heart I am pretty sure there was something deeper wrong with him that we did not know about.

The girls really are still a bit young to understand. They haven't really had much experience with death to get to grips with what has happened. They were absolutely head over heels for Edgar, Angelica treated him like her own little boy. We told her that he was very sick and the vet couldn't make him better so he has gone to be with Sam and Abi (our hamster we lost a couple of years ago).

Edgar getting sick 3 years to the day as Sam and losing him in the exact same way has made us think again about his similar they were. Why we never thought about this before, I have no idea but we worked out Edgar must have been born around the same time Sam died. Whether a bit of Sam went into Edgar, we don't know but there is certainly enough of a similarity between them that we can't shake that feeling. It's a comforting thought, actually.

I think there are two kinds of pet owners - the ones who, when they lose a pet, can't stand the thought of having another one for a really long time and the ones who absolutely have to have another animal in the home ASAP. We all fit into the former category, so on Tuesday afternoon I took my girls to the adoption centre and there he was - a tiny little scrap of a guinea pig with golden fur who looked so much like a young Sam that it was uncanny.

We asked about his background. Well, I say we asked, I asked while Angelica kept crying; "AW! He's very, VERY beautiful! He's a VERY good boy, isn't he?" and Natasha threw her shoes repeatedly into a stack of cat food tins. Apparently he had been for sale but was the runt of the litter and had been picked on by the other guinea pigs. Eventually one of the other guinea pigs bit him so badly he had to be taken away for treatment and after he was nursed back to health he wen t to the adoption centre to look for a caring home that would have a lot of patience with him.



I had to laugh at the man in the shop who was warning us that he would be shy and nervous and wondering if we were prepared for that - this guy obviously never met Sam!! So the little chap was duly checked over, popped into a carrier and brought home where two little girls could give him the love and attention he needs to make up for what he has been through.

Angelica named him George after a guinea pig from an episode of a TV show she watches called Balamory and so far George has made awesome progress in just 2 days. Currently he is munching on his hay, even though Natasha is making scary monster noises, and he isn't batting an eyelid.

I am absolutely devastated about losing Edgar. I can't get my mind on anything else. And considering that this week we've also suffered a gas leak and had no hot water, heating or cooking facilities, you can understand just how deeply cut up I am about losing him. It's really not been the best week at all and I am feeling drained and emotional, all this before I even get to the weekend I am dreading.



We will never forget Edgar, the proud guinea pig we used to call Sir. I just hope that we can give George the happy home that we have tried to give to all the animals who have shared our lives and I am looking forward to getting to know his little personality.