Health and Labour

"Do you know what triggered your Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?"

I hate answering questions about it. I hate talking about it. The more I ignore it, the less I have to acknowledge it. But that's what I was there for, to talk over with the consultant how my ME/CFS has prevented me from having a natural birth with my girls. My first ended in a c-section, the second was a VBAC which I was only able to achieve with the help of the ventouse (suction).

"Yes, it was glandular fever," I answered, "I was recuperating from a laparoscopy to remove endometriosis at the time."

"And how long have you had Chronic Fatigue?"

"Eight.... well, eight and a half years," it didn't feel like that long. Yet at the same time, I can't really remember what things were like before.

I found my appointment with the consultant very stressful this week. I hate talking about my health beyond a quick "I'm not too bad" or "I'm feeling a bit relapsy this week." I'm sure to others it must seem like I am moaning about it all the time though because I can never really say "Yeah, I'm feeling good!" when they ask. Tired is situation normal, but I don't often explain much beyond that.

In my first pregnancy I was made to feel as though it was unimportant. A lot of emphasis was put on the fact that pregnancy is tiring for everyone and why should I be any different? I wasn't taken seriously at any step of the way and I ended up taking maternity leave as early as I was legally allowed because I couldn't cope with work.

In labour, I repeatedly made it known that I have a long-term health issue that needed consideration. I cannot forgive nor forget the patronising response that one midwife gave me as she snapped, "ALL women get tired when they're in labour and THEY all manage it."

I still boil over with anger when I think about it. I had been living with ME/CFS for five years and I knew my body. I had been in labour for 24 hours and my muscles had stopped working. I couldn't push because I couldn't move. I couldn't even raise a hand. The treatment that I received in labour left me even more terrified of hospitals and the resulting relapse lasted for months and months. I did not enjoy the first 6 months of my eldest daughter's life because I spent a lot of them in bed.

I chose a different hospital when I had Natasha. I finally found a GP who not only took me seriously but had a great deal of knowledge about CFS and referred me to a hospital that were supportive of patients in this situation. They were far better than the hospital I'd had my eldest at but even so some mistakes were made in the handling of my situation when it actually came to labour.

When my appointment came around this week and it was time to make a decision about whether to try for a another VBAC or to opt for a cesarean I knew it was going to be a tougher decision this time around. My health has deteriorated over the last year and a half, it's been a gradual process that I have tried to reverse to no avail. I have been slowly dropping more and more hours at work and upping my freelance work but even working a very low number of hours a week has proven harder than it has for many years. With a heavy heart I am leaving the job I have loved for six and a half years when my maternity leave begins.

I have been worried about discussing my labour options because I know neither is going to be an easy option. I don't want to worry about recovering from major surgery, but I don't want to go through another 24+ hour labour and have no movement left in my body by the time I come to push.

I was nervous of going through the things that went wrong last time; that strapping me to monitors right away caused my contractions to slow and labour to be extended, and not allowing me to eat in case I needed another c-section meant I had no fuel for my body to use. I went through the story of my labour with Natasha and found out that the consultant was actually the one who delivered her! I couldn't remember for the life of me what he looked like but he had her labour notes there and realised he had performed her ventouse-assisted delivery! I thanked him profusely - everyone else was preparing me for another c-section and he was the only one who was prepared to try suction first.

I told him that I know my body and I know if I have another long labour my muscles will give up working long before the time comes to push. I was worried that he would push (no pun intended) for a c-section or that things would just be a repeat of last time, but this is what he said:

"Here's what we'll do: if you can get through the labour, we will have tools on standby to assist you with suction when you get that far. I understand you cannot push on your own. As long as your baby is in this position (he then demonstrated with a scale model of a pelvis was was kind of funny) and you can get that far on your own, we will help you out right away."

I was totally blown away. I expected struggles and arguments as I've had every step of the way with my health over the last decade, but he gave me 100% the support I needed. I almost burst into tears. I couldn't say 'thank you' enough times.

My baby was not so grateful and led the doctor a merry dance when he was trying to check his heartbeat, constantly kicking the probe and moving into another position. My girls used to do exactly the same!

I have 6 more weeks of work, and after that I can concentrate on building up as much health and strength as I can for labour and delivery. For the first time I feel genuinely supported and more positive about my baby's birth process. Now I can look forward to meeting my little guy instead of worrying about the process of getting him here because - this time - I know what I can expect.